30 Days to a Better Sex Life After 40

March 31, 2019

Men's Health

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I suppose you remember reading or hearing at some point in your life that males reach their sexual peak at 18 while women have to wait until they are in their 30s. Where did this myth come from? We can thank Alfred Kinsey and his book Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953) for this notion, which has had incredible staying power (pun intended). These ideas are based on the fact that men’s testosterone levels peak during late adolescence and early twenties while a woman’s estrogen levels are highest during their middle to late twenties, but that their sexual appetites are highest when fertility begins to decline in their thirties.

So should guys be packing it up once they reach their 40s, when it seems that sexual delights are over for both men and women? Far from it; in fact, sexual pleasure, performance, and health can all be the best ever because along with experience and wisdom comes a list of 9 tantalizing psychological tips that will significantly enhance your sex life within the next 30 days if you put them to use. Talk them over with your partner, choose one or two to get started, and be prepared for the sparks to fly.

Focus

Key in on your partner’s needs—physical and emotional—both in and out of the bedroom. This tip involves listening to your partner and tuning into what she says as well as what her body language may reveal. You may be surprised at what you’ve been missing!

Be amenable to having sex with your partner, even if you aren’t in the mood at first

Forget the excuses: the big game is coming on, you have a pile of work from the office in your briefcase, you’re tired after a long day at work, you need a shower. They may sound better than saying you’re not in the mood. But there’s a switch in your brain (believe me, there is) you can push that can change that line of thinking.

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Establish a 48-hour rule

This means that at least every 48 hours, one of you must initiate sex with the other. Take turns. You can even spice it up (once you get into it) by introducing your fantasies, role playing, trying new locations or positions…the sky is the limit.

Pay attention to the little things

Chances are your partner does little things for you that you may take for granted. Don’t feel bad; it happens. But now is the time to notice those loving gestures and turn up your appreciation gauge. It’s also time to show her how much you care; perhaps an impromptu neck or shoulder massage, a love note on her pillow, bringing her a cup of coffee, surprising her with a “thinking of you” call during the day.

Recognize that sexual desire ebbs and flows over a long relationship

It’s rare for anyone to be 100 percent ready for sex all the time. Make that “never happens.” What is common is for libido to fluctuate, so don’t panic. If you are aware of and understand these changes, you and your partner can “go with the flow.” After all, you are reading (and hopefully will try) these suggestions!

Give your partner some space

While you’re at it, take some for yourself too. Even people who love each other deeply don’t always want to be together every minute. If you are experiencing a slight rift, you may need some time away from each other as well, even if it’s just a few hours. The secret is to discuss this decision calmly and to avoid any words of vindication, anger, or disgust. Give each other your blessing to take a break and keep communications open.

Ask for what you need sexually

It’s also critical to allow your partner to do the same. Make your request as tactfully and lovingly as possible and in a setting that feels comfortable for both of you.

Appreciate each other’s body in nonsexual ways

One excellent way to do this is to exercise together: jogging, spinning, swimming, tennis, yoga, tai chi. You also may want to try couples massage.

Eliminate, regulate, or moderate your use of porn

If you find yourself using porn to satisfy your sexual needs, it’s time to cut back or moderate this activity. If you think your partner may be willing to share in some of your interest in porn as a way to spice up your sex life, you might introduce the possibility. This is a highly personal decision.

References

Borreli L. Time of your life: do men and women really hit their sexual peak at a certain age or is it just a sex myth? Medical Daily 2014 Sep 9

Sherman JE. Mastering the art of giving and taking space. Psychology Today

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