Premature ejaculation is stressful for all men, and it can be especially stressful as you age, because it feels as though most women have expectations that more experienced men are going to be able to control their sexual arousal. One of the ways to manage the situation is to learn how to reduce the anxiety of premature ejaculation.
One of the key issues that causes premature ejaculation is anxiety. When you’re nervous about your performance, it’s common to focus too much on two things:
- Whether she’s enjoying herself.
- What your genitals are doing.
Both of these have a tendency to lead both to further anxiety and to the inability to control the climax. There are several reasons for this. First, when you worry too much about whether she’s enjoying yourself, you stop focusing on whether you’re enjoying yourself, which essentially weakens your ability to live in the moment. Second, when you focus too much on what you’re doing, you often lose the natural abilities you’ve learned through your experiences.
It’s like how other players will not mention to a pitcher throwing a perfect game that they are throwing a perfect game. You want the pitcher to still feel like they can throw naturally. Pitching is a complex set up mechanics that the pitcher has learned through decades of practice. If suddenly they start worrying and thinking about their mechanics, it becomes unnatural, and everything feels awkward and harder.
For these reasons, anxiety often fuels premature ejaculation, which is why it’s important to find ways to control your anxiety about your sexual experiences.
How to Control Anxiety of Premature Ejaculation Before and During Intercourse
Always tell your partner: The absolute most important thing you can do is tell your partner when you have a sexual dysfunction, whether it is PE or erectile dysfunction. Talk about it. If your partner cares about you, they won’t mind, because the more you practice the less you’ll suffer from PE in the future. Don’t be a hero, because if you go into the bedroom hoping that “this time maybe it will be different” you’re likely to experience far too much anxiety and focus too much on whether or not you can hold it.
Go twice: Consider the first time every night a mulligan. The second time in a night almost always has less feeling than the first, and with less feeling comes more control. Take advantage of it by trying to last longer the second time you make love in one night. Chances are you’ll be able to last longer, and you’ll improve your confidence, which is a crucial part of avoiding PE.
Use your hands before and after: Chances are you’re worried that she’ll enjoy herself, and that causes more anxiety. You’ve already told her at this point that you have this issue and you’re working towards it, and she understands. Your next step is to let her know that you’re going to find other ways to please her. Warm her up beforehand and once you’re done, continue to take matters “into your own hands.” This will ensure she’s enjoying herself and keep your confidence level high.
Decide if you need more or less foreplay: For some guys with PE, foreplay increases anxiety, because they become more and more anxious as they wait for the event. For others, foreplay decreases anxiety, because it gives them a chance to relax before the event takes place. Find out what helps you and talk to your partner about it to see what she’s okay with. Bringing the confidence back is most important, so if she’s okay with whatever works for you, take advantage of it.
Start and stop: The “start and stop” method is a way of learning to control PE. But it’s also a way to reduce anxiety as well. You thrust yourself until you start to feel the burst coming, then stop. Keep doing this until you know you can control it without any issue. This ensures the sex lasts longer, which is important for getting used to the experience, and it trains your mind to find sex less stressful (the longer you do it, even if you’re not moving as much, the more you get used to the feeling of having intercourse). You might also consider learning some sex exercises for men.
Controlling Premature Ejaculation: PE can hit you at any age. But the good news is that when your PE is caused by anxiety, it’s something you can also reduce by using the tips above to help control your anxiety and get used to the lovemaking experience. You will need an understanding partner, but most partners are understanding when they care about you, and eventually you’ll be able to fully unlock the sexual prowess inside you.